reckless abandon like no one's watching you
the overwhelming sense of detachment. illusions of being optimistic when reality is denial of the emotion. wanting to scream and cry and laugh all at the same time and yet feeling like there's no gain of resolution. almost like the hole is only getting dredged deeper. the fact of crying at the drop of a hat says it all. disappointed in what's being reflected. using fear as an excuse to do nothing. convinced that in the long run, it will be what was best. that when all is said and done, the appropriate decisions were made when needed. but then the fog fades and reality reveals absolutely no answers to anything.